Saturday, August 11, 2007

Grey's Anatomy: Season One and Two


At first glance, this popular T.V. hospital drama on ABC seems like a step forward for the representation of minorities in Hollywood. I mean, look at this diverse cast. The only problem, of course, is that it's completely divorced from reality. The minority representation in this show is completely skewed towards fantasy land, and utterly shafts the Asian male.


As I write this, there's currently a controversy over actor Isaiah Washington having said anti-gay sentiments about another
actor (T.R. Knight), ending up with his eventual firing. While this is a sad story of gay discrimination, it goes beyond the scope of this website. For the purposes of this article, we will ignore the fact that this (Black) actor was fired and strictly focus on which actors make(made) up the Season One and Two cast.

Moving along ... sometimes, to address the plight of Asian Males in Hollywood, we have to address the roles Asian males AREN'T given rather than the ones that ARE. After all, we unfortunately live in a zero-sum-gain world where empowering one group comes at the expense of disenfranchising another.

We're going to look at a lot of statistics in this article. Now I'll be the first to admit that
contrary to stereotype -- I'm no math genius, having (embarrassingly for my stereotype) not even reached Calculus. Nonetheless, since I'm usually the first person to figure out a 15% tip at a restaurant, I'm not exactly an idiot at math. If my calculations are wrong, please let me know. According to the 2000 census, America is 75% white, 12.3% Black, 12.5% Latino/Hispanic, 3.7% Asian. If we were to go purely by racial makeup in all of America, a cast of ten would look more like this.


Note how we lost 2 Black doctors and 1/2 of Sandra Oh.

In addition, it may come as no surprise to you that Asians predominantly live in major metropolitan areas and coastal
areas, thus skewing the #s higher for Asians in Seattle. Now, by no means do I consider myself to be an expert in Seattle (the fictional home of the hospital in Grey's Anatomy). Nonetheless, I've been there 4 times, so I know a little something about it. The LARGEST MINORITY in Seattle is Asian, with Blacks coming in second. I just happened to know this little fact having read "Rough Guide Seattle" on one of my trips there -- which initially led me to question the reality of Grey's Anatomy. But anyway, let's talk about raw #s here: According to the 2000 census, Seattle is 67.1 % White, 16.6% Asian, 9.7 % Black, and 6.3 % Hispanic/Latino. If we were to go strictly by the racial makeup of Seattle, our cast of ten would now look like this:


We just got Sandra Oh back plus another half Sandra, lost half of the Hispanic doctor, and still leave off the 2 Black doctors from Round 1.

Furthermore, it may ALSO come as no surprise to you that some cultures are over-represented in some professions
than others -- namely ASIANS as physicians. According to the 1990 census, 1 in 10 doctors in the U.S. are Asian, while only 4.5 in 100 are Black. Considering that Asians make up only 3.7% of the United States, that means that being Asian makes you 250% more likely to be an M.D. than a White person, whereas being Black makes you 1/5th as likely to be an M.D. as your White counterpart. Furthermore, males of all races are overrepresented as physicians compared to females. Specifically, Asian MALE physicians outnumber Asian FEMALE physicians by almost 3 to 1. In REAL LIFE, there are almost NO Black Males or Black Females on an average sampling of 10 M.D.s in Seattle.



Note in the above chart that I'm simplifying by dividing races down the middle as far as male/female percentages per race. If we were to break up Seattle's M.D.s by race AND sex, Asian males make up the #2 spot in order of representation. Given this information, the cast of Grey's Anatomy should look more like this.


We just lost ALL the Black actors, 2 White female actors, and the single Hispanic actor. On the other hand, we just gained THREE Asian Male doctors, played by positive-Asian-Male-role-model, Garrett Wang.

There is not one-- NOT ONE -- Asian Male on Grey's Anatomy while there are THREE Black doctors and one Asian
female doctor. Furthermore, the 3 Black doctors are THE TOP THREE DOCTORS by rank in the hospital. WTF??? This is despite the fact that in the U.S. the number of Asian Male physicians outnumber Asian Female, Black Male, and Black Female physicians COMBINED.

If we take the #s in Seattle, where Asians are 4 times more common than the national average while Blacks are 2/3rds as common , the disparity is even greater.

However, Grey's Anatomy is by no means the worst offender of statistics. In THIRTEEN YEARS of NBC's E.R., there has yet to be (to my knowledge) ONE GODDAMN ASIAN MALE Doctor on this drama, while there's been one Chinese Female (Ming Na) and one Indian female (Parminder Nagra).


The ONLY Asian Male on this show is a NURSE, while there are various Black doctors too numerous to list. Again, let me repeat in case you missed it the first time: Asian Male Physicians outnumber Asian Female, Black Male, and Black Female physicians COMBINED -- but not according to Grey's Anatomy or E.R.

This, my friends, is a recurring theme that we will revisit time and again. It's bad enough that Hollywood makes 1/2
of all Asian Males out to be nerds. If that isn't bad enough, Asian Males are NOT EVEN FUCKING GOOD at the shit that they're nerdy about! I think that we can all agree that being an M.D. takes a bit of nerd skills -- that's a shitload of studying and work over many years. Well, apparently, Asian males are smart enough to be nerds, but they're not smart enough to be M.D.'s. I guess that's sortof the definition of being a nerd -- like the comic book guy on the Simpsons -- somebody who's smart, but has no drive to actually do something with these smarts -- you know, like being a fucking DOCTOR!

Monday, August 6, 2007

X-Men: The Last Stand


The third in the X-Men trilogy of superhero/mutant movies, X-Men: The Last Stand finally gives us what we've been waiting 6 years and 3 movies for: an Asian Male Hero.

You know how in the Superbowl -- towards the very end, they get all the benchwarmers who haven't played a single game ALL year -- they get these guys to go on field for 10 seconds so they can say they actually played?

Yeah, that's kinda how it feels to get our very own mutant out there. Still, at least there IS an Asian Male superhero, right?

WRONG.

This guy is evil. Pure, fucking evil. Not just kinda evil, I mean REALLY bad. While the other "evil" mutants are battling soldiers and other mutants, Mr. Porcupine Boy(played by Ken Leung) has to go after unarmed scientists. He's actually the ringleader that kills a defenseless female scientist. WTF???

Oh, let's not forget his superpowers -- he's a fucking PORCUPINE. There's Storm, who can fly and control weather; Cyclops, who has super laser-blast eyes; and Colossus, who is super strong and can turn his body into steel.

There are all these mutants with amazing powers, and WE get motherfucking Porcupine Boy!!!! I mean, it wouldn't be SO bad if he could use his porcupines like projectiles -- then he could be grenade/shrapnel/porcupine boy. No, no, he has to go up to innocent women, give 'em a nice hug, and then penetrate them with his porcupine power.


How fucking lame.

Well, on the plus side, at least Ken Leung 'aint bad looking. And boy -- are there some FUGLY looking mutants out there. Take Kelsey Grammer as the Beast.


Then again, who do you think is gonna get laid first? The fuzzy blue-bear guy, or Mr. FUCKING PORCUPINE BOY??? Think about that for a sec -- or maybe not -- it's too painful.

X-Men: The Last Stand is also a great example of the disparity between the treatment of Asian men and Asian women. Take Kelly Hu from the 2nd X-Men film: X-Men United.


Not only is she strong and sexy, she's also a major character (as opposed to the minor-league status of Porcupine boy). She's the primary nemesis of the main good-guy, Wolverine. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the comic book/ movie, Wolverine is pretty much your most bad-ass X-Men out there -- and is up there with Spiderman in popularity.

Anyway, Kelly Hu plays the EQUAL of Wolverine, whereas Porcupine Boy is... you know, FUCKING PORCUPINE BOY! Furthermore, unlike Mr. Porcupine, Kelly Hu's character is not techically "evil" -- since she's actually under mind control.

Well, to be fair to my Asian sisters out there.. there is a weird submissive-slave (China Doll) aspect to the character played by Kelly Hu (she's been brainwashed by some evil old dude), so it 'aint all roses in that camp either.

Speaking of which -- there actually aren't any good Asians (male OR female) in all THREE of the movies.

Moving along, there's also one tiny 3 second appearance by an Asian Male late in the movie. While the evil mutants are tearing apart the Golden Gate Bridge, we get a glimpse at a tourist/photographer. How TIRED is this joke?


Ooooh, that's gonna cost you some Nerd stars!


Oh, by the way, a big FUCK YOU to director Brett Ratner!

Heroes Season 1

Well, I would be seriously negligent if I didn't review Heroes, the breakthrough hit on NBC -- starring a Japanese-American Actor as a primary character (played by Masi Oka).

Heroes chronicles the adventures of a bunch of mutants from around the planet(though mostly the United States) trying to save the world, mainly from one evil mutant by the name of Sylar.



I must admit I have rather mixed feelings about this show. It's well written and has nice, edible, mini story arcs that keep you coming back week after week. Masi Oka plays "Hiro" (get it, Hiro == Hero), a lovable, strong-willed, GOOD character. He is the face of optimism in the show.

So what don't I like about it?

It should be obvious, right? Hiro is an Asian Uncle Tom. He's a complete nerd who doesn't EVEN have samurai powers (he actually spends the entire season searching for his samurai sword -- insert penis joke here).

Oh wait, I forget -- fans of the show will point out that the "Future Hiro" (we get glimpses at what Hiro will be like in the future) is a cool guy with a soul patch and a ponytail. Yeah, well too bad they pretty much end this Future-Hiro storyline by the season finale, thus cementing him as a nerd for the rest of the show.


Ok, time for the beautiful people count. Note that Heroes stars an amazingly large amount of characters -- too many to do a complete count. However, this is one of the most complete wallpapers on the NBC website featuring the primary stars from season one.


Note the two ugliest characters: the chubby white cop and (with apologies to Masi Oka) Hiro. Hey, at least the Indian guy is good looking.

Okay, time for the sex count.


Of course, the 12 year old kid doesn't count -- nor does the 16 year old cheerleader. Is it any wonder what races AREN'T getting laid? Even the chubby white dude is getting laid (he's married) while the good looking Indian guy 'aint. Yup, even a STUD Indian dude can't get laid on TV. Maybe he'd have better luck picking up chicks at 7-11.

Fans of the show might also point out that Hiro's sidekick Ando (played by James Kyson Lee) is not bad looking.


To that I say -- take a look at his character. In the very first episode, he's paying the blonde stripper-mutant to take her clothes off over the Internet.

Suffice it to say, Ando 'aint gettin' any either. Plus, I'm gonna have to take a few points off for him wearing that fucking 80's Member's Only jacket.

Oh, but wait, there's more... In one particular story arc, Hiro encounters a waitress with superpowers, and thus starts a LOVE STORY between an Asian male and a White female. OMG, can you believe it? Do you realize how RARE that is in Hollywood? I'm in tears!


However, they manage to completely fuck it up -- because before Hiro can even KISS aforementioned waitress, she dies.

Yeah, forget about the Asian man having sex -- he doesn't even get to KISS the girl.

Still, like a beggar, I can't be too choosy -- ANY Lead role is better than none at all for the Asian Man...and I'm hopeful that Hiro will grow up before this show goes off the air.


Last Samurai

Do I REALLY have to say anymore? Doesn't the poster say it all?

I'll dispense with an actual review of this garbage -- suffice it to say that, typical of most Tom Cruise movies, Mr. Cruise plays a [talented] prick who turns into a really, really, really swell guy by movie's end. Oh, and of course he's got some Japanese woman swooning all over him. The previews has the announcer literally sa
ying "Tom Cruise... Last Samurai". The last Samurai is a fucking white guy? What the hell is wrong with these people?!!!

Oh, before you write in, lemme say that YES -- I've seen the film and YES -- I know that Tom Cruise is not actually the "Last Samurai" -- but c'mon!!! Like I said ... the title says it all.

Let's try a role reversal, shall we? How about this for a Hollywood drama?



See the difference? Whereas Hollywood can treat one like a serious "drama", if they tried to market THIS film, it would come off as a comedy.

Oh, waitasec -- there already IS a comedy about an Asian Cowboy.


See what I mean?

Also note below the COMPLETELY GAY SCENE of Jackie Chan bathing with Owen Wilson.

That reminds me.. I'm going to have to do a dissertation on Jackie Chan films down the road -- at least his Western ones.


Oh, and apologies for using the kung-fu stars in place of "martial arts" or "samurai". Anyway, I think you get the idea!


Sunday, August 5, 2007

Crash

I finally got around to seeing this movie, and it inspired me to start this blog.

Why??

To expose this film and others of its ilk for once again bringing down the Yellow Man!!

Note: ##Spoiler Warning##

Directed and co written by Paul Haggis, Crash is a tapestry of various stories revolving around racism in L.A., involving your various minorities: Caucasian, African-American, Middle-Eastern, Hispanic, and Asian. Being *unbiased*, it presents both "good" and "bad" characters of various races, with a few role reversals along the way. For instance, Ryan Phillipe is the "good cop" while Matt Dillon is the "bad cop". However, by movie's end, their roles have reversed, with Ryan Phillipe accidentally killing an unarmed civilian while Matt Dillon saves the life of an African American (played by Thandie Newton, who he previously finger-rapes earlier in the film).

Okay, how does the Yellow Closet come in?

The worst -- and I mean the ABSOLUTE WORST villain in this film is an Asian Man (played by Greg Joung Paik) who is trying to smuggle Thai Hookers in his Van. No other character comes close to being as evil. His crimes are worse than all of the other actors' put together. He's SO bad, that he's actually foiled by none other than thief/gangsta Ludacris. Yes folks, Ludacris is a HERO to the slavemaster Greg Joung Paik (along with a brief appearance by Daniel Dae Kim).


Of course, Haggis tries to even things out by putting a "good" Asian Man in there -- in this case an insurance adjuster played by Ken Ho. As usual though, Hollywood has the "good"
Asian man in there for something like 3 lines and 10 seconds (and I use "good" rather loosely since his character is actually morally ambiguous).

Sorry Mr. Haggis, but 10 seconds doesn't count.


OK, time for the beauty count. Let's see how many beautiful people we can find in this film, shall we? Since I'm a guy, you'll have to forgive me if my rating is a bit off. Anyway, starting with the top row we have Ludacris. I give him a 7. Next we have his sidekick -- we'll give him an 8. Brendan Fraser is definitely a 9 or 10. There's the rich black guy who's not really good looking -- but since he's rich and is screwing Thandie Newton, let's be generous and give him a 7. Don Cheadle, while a great actor, is probably a 5. Ryan Phillipe gets a 9, Matt Dillon gets a 9, Hispanic guy gets a 6.

That leaves us with the two ugliest guys in the movie. They're old(asexual) and ugly. Hey, guess what? One of 'em is Middle Eastern and the other's Asian. Let's give 'em both 2's.

Once again, the Asian man is given the shaft (with apologies to Persians as well...)


And to think this racist piece of shit got THREE Oscars...