Crash

I finally got around to seeing this movie, and it inspired me to start this blog.

Why??

To expose this film and others of its ilk for once again bringing down the Yellow Man!!

Note: ##Spoiler Warning##

Directed and co written by Paul Haggis, Crash is a tapestry of various stories revolving around racism in L.A., involving your various minorities: Caucasian, African-American, Middle-Eastern, Hispanic, and Asian. Being *unbiased*, it presents both "good" and "bad" characters of various races, with a few role reversals along the way. For instance, Ryan Phillipe is the "good cop" while Matt Dillon is the "bad cop". However, by movie's end, their roles have reversed, with Ryan Phillipe accidentally killing an unarmed civilian while Matt Dillon saves the life of an African American (played by Thandie Newton, who he previously finger-rapes earlier in the film).

Okay, how does the Yellow Closet come in?

The worst -- and I mean the ABSOLUTE WORST villain in this film is an Asian Man (played by Greg Joung Paik) who is trying to smuggle Thai Hookers in his Van. No other character comes close to being as evil. His crimes are worse than all of the other actors' put together. He's SO bad, that he's actually foiled by none other than thief/gangsta Ludacris. Yes folks, Ludacris is a HERO to the slavemaster Greg Joung Paik (along with a brief appearance by Daniel Dae Kim).

Of course, Haggis tries to even things out by putting a "good" Asian Man in there -- in this case an insurance adjuster played by Ken Ho. As usual though, Hollywood has the "good" Asian man in there for something like 3 lines and 10 seconds (and I use "good" rather loosely since his character is actually morally ambiguous).

Sorry Mr. Haggis, but 10 seconds doesn't count.

OK, time for the beauty count. Let's see how many beautiful people we can find in this film, shall we? Since I'm a guy, you'll have to forgive me if my rating is a bit off. Anyway, starting with the top row we have Ludacris. I give him a 7. Next we have his sidekick -- we'll give him an 8. Brendan Fraser is definitely a 9 or 10. There's the rich black guy who's not really good looking -- but since he's rich and is screwing Thandie Newton, let's be generous and give him a 7. Don Cheadle, while a great actor, is probably a 5. Ryan Phillipe gets a 9, Matt Dillon gets a 9, Hispanic guy gets a 6.

That leaves us with the two ugliest guys in the movie. They're old(asexual) and ugly. Hey, guess what? One of 'em is Middle Eastern and the other's Asian. Let's give 'em both 2's.

Once again, the Asian man is given the shaft (with apologies to Persians as well...)

And to think this racist piece of shit got THREE Oscars...